Archive for July, 2009

The following “oops I can’t believe somebody actually wrote and sent that” email arrived in my inbox today. I removed the addresses & contact details, and here it is for your enjoyment on a Friday. Read from the bottom up for a lesson hard learned on insulting customers!

So what do you think – should Abbey Sherwell be saved?

Yes – or – No

Read the rest of this entry »

Ignore the facts, the police chief knows all.

People in Essex have more chance of winning the Lotto than being mugged, police authority chief Robert Chambers claims. However, the data available from Camelot and Essex Police websites tell a different story.

Mr Chambers insisted that his statement was ‘fact’. “You are more likely to win the lottery than you are to get mugged in Essex,” he said, “That’s a fact.”

Figures on the force website record 276 robberies in Essex between the start of April this year and the end of June; the monthly average is shown to be 92 muggings throughout the county.

Read the rest of this entry »

Art by Suuqin

Here at Iwilldothatformoney, we have finally figured out how we are going to make our millions (well, apart from the blogging) – landing a robot on the moon!

We’ve decided to enter the Google Lunar X Prize, and win the $20 million grand award. We also thought it would be a fitting way to celebrate the 60 year anniversary of the disputed first “moon landing“.

All we have to do to win the mega bucks? Be the first team to send a robot to the moon, and get it to stroll along for 500 meters, and send some digital postcards back home. It’ll be a piece of piss for our crack team of scienticians and amateur astrologists. Read the rest of this entry »

So they're not magic money cards after all...

It’s the last week of the month. You go to the cash machine to get out a tenner for the evening, maybe to buy some cigarettes or a couple of beers. The machine laughs heartily and spits your card back out at you. Transaction denied. You are officially skint.

It’s very easy to get snarky about people who have found themselves in this situation, but to be honest, we’ve all been there. It’s a horrible feeling, especially at ten o’clock at night when you can’t do anything about it. Worst of all, you’ve got another week to go before you get paid and your food cupboards are empty. What can you do?

I’ve been here a number of times, for various reasons. At university, I didn’t have a steady income, and I spent my loans on CDs and beer. After university, my first job was so low paid that I could just about afford my flat and food. Now, I just spend too much on shiny, shiny objects. I frequently provoke tuts of dismay from my poor, set-upon mother, who still opens my bank statements. But, even so, she understands, because we’ve all been there.

So, without further fanfare, here is the official NotWelshMan’s Guide On What To Do When You Keep Hitting The Wrong End Of Your Overdraft. If you have any other good advice, then don’t forget to leave us a comment and we’ll update the article.

Read the rest of this entry »

Not a good look, but it suits him.

Western capitalism is a well-maintained perpetual motion machine. Its various cogs and gears are oiled regularly with the blood and tears of the workforce. However, the machine requires maintenance, and parts must be replaced or cleaned.

And then there are parts that don’t do anything at all: the gall bladders of machinery. They might not be moving parts or they might perform an auxiliary role in the whole system, but their mere presence at a reduced or non-existent level of functionality means other parts must work harder and faster to compensate.

Freegans are the ultimate example of this. They smugly condemn us rat-racers as crazy. These people freely admit to finding nourishment in the discarded produce of society.

Read the rest of this entry »

Art by Suuqin

Art related to a movie Confessions of a Shopaholic. A Magic Card, unlimited cash… as if.

Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask: another godawful infomercial from the vaults!

We at I will do that for money don’t care about money that much nor would we advise you to hide cash from the tax man. Of course NOT! We are a very, very reliable bunch of people and extremely responsible citizens.

So without further due we present to you the six ways (why six no idea?!) to pay less tax from Yahoo Finance section.

Hope this helps you save some dosh for the pub!

Mindlessly surfing channels the other day, I came across an episode of Dragons’ Den. Madcap entrepreneurs, scared witless, quavered through their pitches for weird and often quite stupid inventions. They were then ruthlessly mocked by the ‘dragons’, who declined to invest in the proposed schemes, and the pitchers were sent packing.

Where do those crazy sods come from? And I’m not talking about the inventors. I’m talking about the dragons. Supposedly they are a panel of self-made millionaires – British business brains with dosh to spare. They sit there in every episode, imposing and self assured, alongside stacks of pounds, obviously enjoying themselves as they grill the sweating, jelly-legged pitchers.

Read the rest of this entry »

Available now from all bad bookstores

The internet is a marvel. Since its incarnation as a tool to enable research to be shared between universities, it has grown so much. It is now an interactive platform capable of enabling myriad arseholes an outlet for their barely coherent and almost always misinformed outbursts under the guise of “Having your say”.

Anyone who has used the internet to share their opinion, ever, will be familiar with the kind of ignorant nonsense that some folk consider to be worthy of voicing. Go to a news site, or forum, anywhere, and scroll down to below the story. Read the first comment from “NRA_4EVA” – see?

When YouTube was first launched I fully expected it to turn into a catalog of near death experiences captured by dim-witted American college kids, yearning to imitate their Jackass heroes. For a while I was right. Then the corporations found out they could “leverage” sales out of “viral” marketing yada yada yada.

Read the rest of this entry »