He's all class.

Some celebrities will do anything for money.

They must get a taste for it — having a bank account so far in the black that it’s a scientific phenomenon studied by astronomers, closing down entire boulevards on a whim because they feel like shopping without the pesky plebs around, owning garages stuffed to the hilt with ridiculously expensive gleaming gold-plated automobiles… Well, I’m sure that one gets accustomed to such a lavish lifestyle.

But then the recession comes along and wipes out chunks of celebrity fortunes, and suddenly, terrifying normality is knocking at the door.

So what do they do? They sell out.

Back before bankers fucked up the worldwide economy, celebrities could make a pretty penny turning tricks for foreign audiences, and their local fans wouldn’t know the difference. But now they’re having to extend that work into local advertising too.

One dude that I’ve noticed cropping up is Kevin Spacey. I guess he’s bled dry all his funds from winning a couple of Academy Awards, and with the fear that he might have to fire one of his 17 personal assistants, or start catching the bus, he has extended his earning potential… I was surprised to see Kevin selling his soul like this. He seems like quite a well-respected fellow, you know? But now he’s just another Katie Price™. He might as well create his own pink sparkly jewellery line.

First up were the American Airlines commercials, which are so pompous they make you feel like vomiting. The general theme is Kevin Spacey promoting how wonderful it is to be so fucking rich you don’t have to mingle with the plebs when you fly. He might as well have been bashing you over the head with one of his Oscar statuettes: Suck on this, you mere civilian. My life rocks, and these very ads are paying for it, bwahaha.

This was closely followed by a couple of Olympus camera commercials. In the first he snobbily implores the viewer to “not be a tourist”. This camera isn’t for normal people who just like to take pictures. This camera is for the pretentious, elite classes who consider themselves to be more than average. In the next one, he says his Olympus camera can take a picture that’s like a memory. A memory that hurts. You look at the photo and “it does that hurty thing, right here.” As one of the YouTube comments says so beautifully: “That ‘hurty thing’ you get right there is called indigestion, Kev.”

What’s next for Kevin Spacey? Personally, I look forward to seeing him promote the fancy health benefits of eating a can of Spam every day and how it’s like eating a little bit of heaven. I can see the strapline now — “Spam: the preferred food of kings and celebrities and Kevin Spacey.”

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