References from previous jobs:

“Geoff was under the impression that his opinion carried some form of weight within the company. When corrected, he would frequently resort to verbal abuse.”

“After disagreeing with Geoff’s theory of how a business should be run, the CEO required fourteen stitches in his leg and a new kidney.”

“Never before have I met someone with so many opinions and so few facts.”

“Geoff doesn’t so much ‘organise’ as throw things into a bag, shake them and then throw it all into a river.”

“It is possible that Geoff is the worst writer in the world. He just doesn’t understand tone. I understand tone.”

“I hated his stupid, fat head.”

“Great service. Would definitely order again.”

“I did not have sexual relations with this man.”

Geoff has written articles under a variety of pseudonyms, including Polly Toynbee, Richard Littlejohn and Aunt Sally.