Posts Tagged ‘big brother’
The grand healthcare debate: political argument done wrong
August 14th, 2009 | 
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Operation 'Soylent Green' in action
Did Stephen Hawking change nationality? Maybe while we weren’t looking, perhaps? Maybe he lied about being born in London and educated at Oxford University. Is he, like the crew of the HMS Bulldog before him, secretly an American?
I ask because the Investor’s Business Daily, a US rag, recently highlighted the shocking ineptitude of the British National Health Service in an editorial, saying, “People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the UK where the National Health Service would say the quality of life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.” Which was news to the man who survived only because of medical treatment from – you guessed it – the NHS.
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MTV: happily eroding the attention span of an entire generation
Nelly: revered even though he deserves nothing but contempt
Don’t you just love the system? It has taken Rupert Murdoch and his equally odious contemporaries just a hundred years to mould the economy so that everyone’s money goes to him.
Gone is the traditional type of capitalism where everyone worked hard for a salary they genuinely deserved. Spend what you need and accrue some savings along the way? Out the window with it. Instead, we have a system where saving is pointless unless you earn megabucks, and wanton spending is encouraged, if not passively enforced.
It’s music, Jim, but not as we know it: Z-list celebrity singles
An extract from Inexplicable Celebrity: The Diary of Kayleigh-Anne Boyd
Post eviction: Monday 30th September
I have giant round shiny new boobs. Look so totally gawguss. I need to go shopping now for some classy outfits to show off my vast and deep cleavage. This morning I lost half a piece of toast down there and spent, like, 30 minutes trying to get it out.
I heart Angus right now, he is doing everything right for me, he only wants the best. Yesterday he says to me, Kayleigh-Anne Boyd — now is the time for your single.
I thought he said, now is the time you are single and burst out sobbing. I am so single! So dumped! Sven is telling all the papers I am a lousy lay — soo embarrassed! And it’s not like anybody could be a good lay in the Big Brother house anyway, having sex under those blankets and trying not to make any noise.
Yesterday all the paps cornered me outside the club I was stumbling out of, asking me what I thought about that, and I had to give a very dignified response, so I said, I’m so above all that and won’t be commenting on whatever crap that peeny weeny stupidass fuckhead says.
So… yeah, but no, what Angus actually meant was it’s time for me to record a singing record thingee. A song. Squee! I am going to be a pop star too!
Scent of a whore’s fake LV handbag: the art of celebrity perfume making
An extract from “Inexplicable Celebrity: The Diary of Kayleigh-Anne Boyd”
Post eviction: Tuesday 7th September
My manager Angus picks me up at 9am. Way, way too early. I didn’t have time to glue back on the 2 nails I lost last night prying open that bottle of pink vino, so I could get boozed enough to call & hang up on Sven 17 times. I hate not having all my nails glued on. I look like a total freak. Even though am wearing my best ever outfit — favourite Jodie-esque white lycra minidress with hot pink knickers.
“Can we go by the salon?” I beg Angus.
He blows a cloud of cigarette smoke into my face. “No time, princess. Your personalised scent awaits. Eau de Boyd. Time to join the celebrity perfume gravy train.”
My own perfume! So, so excited. This is the moment I have been waiting for since I left the Big Brother House last week. It’s a real sign I’ve made it, you know? More than the Nuts photoshoot, or the interview with that fat radio DJ… My own face is gonna be stuck on a product. People are going to buy my face. Now that is fame.
