Posts Tagged ‘crackhead doctor’

Crackhead Dentist: "So, all your teef out then, yeah? Sweeeet."

I recently discovered the joy of NHS dentistry in the UK. By that, I mean, I met Crackhead Doctor’s little brother, Crackhead Dentist. After three years of avoiding the dentist, I finally gathered the courage for a check up. The NHS website directed me to a convenient clinic by my work.

I went by, registered as an NHS patient, and booked an appointment. So far, so good. Until the visit. Since it had been three years since my last visit, I had to pay penance with 20 minutes extra scraping & drilling & the bad news of a rather large cavity.

The guy also took the piss by giving me a hygeine clean, which is a private treatment, but without informing me he was about to give me a private treatment, and then presenting me with the £50 bill. Erm, thanks buddy.

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The day I recruited Geoff for clinical trials.

Geoff frequently complains about being the sugar-daddy in his relationship. It’s not that I actually care, it’s just I get sick of hearing him whinge on about it. And I know that Geoff will do anything for money.

Gripped by the throes of intense irritation philanthropy, I decided to get Geoff some money and sign him up for some clinical trials.

Geoff is probably the healthiest person I know, which makes him the ideal speciman for testing random pharmaceutical products on. An occasional non-smoker, he consumes 5+ a day fruit & veges from a variety of foodstuffs such as crisps, fries, pizzas, burgers and those little snack salami thingees. He can even run to the corner shop in about 10 minutes, depending on wind speed.

I knew he would be really excited about giving back to the community too. About really making a difference to the world and bringing meaning to his tiny and pathetic life.

Clinical trials are inherently… sometimes… safe. You know that by the time they’ve come to test the drug on humans, no more rats will be dying while foaming at the mouth and bleeding from the eyeballs. By the time it gets to the human testing stage, they’ll only be looking for side effects like severe organ failure.

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