Posts Tagged ‘gossip’

An extract from Inexplicable Celebrity: The Diary of Kayleigh-Anne Boyd

Kayleigh-Anne Boyd

Post eviction: Tuesday 15th October

Plotting in my apartment tonight, with aid of bottle of fizzy pink vino (makes me think clearer) about my life amphibian (which is to become mega famous, duh). I must become WAG if want to stay famous. It is logical next step, after Big Brother and celebrity perfume and pop song single.

Luckily I already play the part. Ticky list:

• ultra fab orange tan
• so, so totally hot blond AND black hair extensions
• longest, squarest acrylic nails (specially imported from Brazil)
• wardrobe entirely of lycra, spandex and latex
• Big Brother participation certificate, framed and hanging on my wall

My manager Angus has been guiding me whole way and is totally invested in me becoming WAG too.

And now we have Dwayne White in our steeley graspy sights…

We have made so, so totally awesome plan.

The man has no chance.

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More relevant and relatable than you: Banff National Park squirrel shot to fame accidentally - his upcoming album is now tipped to be Christmas #1

Imagine Iran launched a nuke right in the middle of the Baftas, or Grammys, and it was aimed at the hypothetical venue in question, killing everyone important in the world (everything crossed! – alas, I jest.)

Our tabloids would be devoid of content after a week.

They have Sunday supplements and obits prepared eons ago, waiting to be sent to press at the touch of a button. But what then? There will probably be attempts to make icons out of grieving relatives, but I have little enough faith in humanity to expect this to be met with widespread derision and the eventual collapse of the gossip tabloid market. Yay! Here’s hoping!

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