Posts Tagged ‘music’
Why iTunes sucks
December 16th, 2009 | 
Author: 
It's over, I'm sorry. It's not me. It's you.
Because I have an iPod, I use iTunes on my computer. And it regularly pisses me off, to the point where I’m giving up on it.
I mean, doesn’t Apple have a reputation for creating user-friendly stuff that’s free of bugs when they release it to the public? Where does that reputation come from? Because it sure isn’t from iTunes.
Here are all the stupid things it does to me…
Ding dong! The fight begins for the Xmas No. 1 single
Rage against the X-Factor
The latest batch of manufactured X-Factor pop-a-nonnies are trundling inevitably closer to the turgid, overcooked and overhyped grande finale. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid a lot of television recently, so have escaped the show’s grasping and vampiric embrace of my brain. Yes. I have not been sucked in.
I thought I might expound on my disbelief at the 2009 crop of finalists – seriously, I just don’t get Jedward, but I’ve realised it’s useless. Anybody who has not joined the cult cannot understand its inner workings. It’s probably like how, to Scientologists, it’s completely awesome that they have little aliens living inside them but to anybody else, it’s insane.
Mission accomplished! iPhone apps in the Air Force
Flying a fighter jet: there's an app for that.
Ever been on a top secret mission for the US Air Force and wondered, “is there an app for this?” Well, now there is: Northrup Grumman have confirmed that they will be releasing a variety of ‘apps’ on iTunes in an effort to broaden their market.
“The combat aeronautics market has definitely had a difficult year,” Mike Hock, Northrup Grumman VP, told IWDTFM this morning, “Five years ago, we would have sold five jets already today. But now no one wants to spend money because of the recession, no matter how many signed pictures of Val Kilmer we throw in.”
Tags: big business, iphone, marketing, media, military, music, northrup grumman, us air force | 
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Worst ever guitar solo ever: Fred Durst
Musician fail
I’d like to re-introduce you to a man called Fred Durst. You may remember him wearing a red cap, bleating away as the lead singer of the phenomenally awful band, Limp Bizkit. Or maybe you remember him as the man who got pwned by Britney Spears*.
Well, in the recent inaugural annual traditional “Iwilldothatformoney Awards for Dumbasses and Numpties”, we bestowed upon Mr Durst the honour of Worst Ever Guitar Solo Ever.
An honorary achievement award was also given out to every member of the audience who had actually paid money to hear it.
You can watch his stunning effort to single-handedly destroy the eardrums of 1,258 people behind the cut.
Warning: this video might make you vomit a little bit in your mouth.
What happens if you look up Pixie Lott in the thesaurus?
As everyone knows my favourite genre of music is blond female vocalist. I just can’t get enough! Growing up my mother would always listen to Debbie Harry and the odd breathy rendition by Marilyn Monroe.
In my formative years Christina, Britney and Shakira owned the charts. This all contributed to my fervent hankering for the recent onslaught of pseudo-modest soulsters.
But in the last year I’ve become so overwhelmed with mid-20’s female breakthrough artists with blond hair that I can’t tell them apart! Can you help me sort Pixie Boots from Lady Duffy? What sets Duffy apart from Hilary Duff, apart from the former being a diminutive of the latter?
Ticketnovice, or how to completely avoid ever going to a single gig
I want to go to a gig, but I can’t because TicketMaster is intent on keeping me at arm’s length from any ticket at all times.
Browse to Ticketmaster.co.uk and try to book something. It needn’t be anything particularly popular. Try getting the unreserved standing tickets. Proceed through loads of pointless questions that could definitely wait until I’ve committed to a couple of tickets. Decipher the faux-typewriter Captcha words and reproduce them in the text field provided. Find out that the tickets aren’t available. Repeat.
Despite that I choose the “just find me a fucking seat, I don’t care where” option, infuriatingly it states that my anally stringent gig-attending criteria are preventing it from finding any tickets to sell me, so I have to go back and try looking for tickets to see the same band in Dusseldorf or Montreal.
Guys, look – I’m a big boy, if the damn thing is sold out, just tell me – I can take it!
When did you last buy a music album?
Art by Suuqin
When do you last buy a music album? or should I ask – Do you still buy music album? No, I don’t.
Where the elite have no shame
Only a truly self-righteous prick would want everything they own to be red.
Bono is widely accredited with being smug, arrogant and self-righteous. Not content with this public stance he continually goes on to prove everyone right by using the plight of the third world as a marketing outlet.
Project Red customises popular wares with a unique red fascia. Phones, iPods, t-shirts and what have you all come in red so that people just as bare-faced can simultaneously accessorise and brag about their tireless charitable efforts.
Purchasing the Motorola Red phone sends £10 straight to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, and £130 to Motorola. I daren’t suggest what proportion of this went to the Global Fund to Kit Bono out with a Limitless Collection of Ostentatious Commodities (GFKBLCOC).
I H(E)A(R)TE Mark Ronson
Like Mark Ronson's semi-digested then regurgitated Motown classics? Try this at home, you schmuck.
Special guest contributor Laura has been vying to write something that we wouldn’t instantly send to the recycle bin. Here it finally is.
I’ll start off with something close to my heart. Music. Now rip it out, smash it into smithereens, blend it with coal and salt, then rub it in to my eyes. I’ll be talking about the result.
Mark Ronson.
Recent news from the smug Rah-boy media-type ‘Muzak’ ‘producer’ is that he is doing the same old fucking thing he always does: fuck all. Between excreting soulless rehashed money spinning versions of other people’s hard graft, he occasionally irritates my ears and eyes by appearing on panel shows and ruining them.
Celebrity masks: ugly into fugly
Gimp couture
We have been discussing the subject of wearing masks lately at the Iwilldothatformoney office. It’s amazing really… People use a variety of methods – make up, plastic surgery, masks to either hide themselves or emerge from the crowd of us ordinary folk. I’m sure psychologists have done plenty of writing in these areas, but it still surprises me how some celebrities go beyond all conceivable notion to either conceal their insecurity or try to make up for lack of talent…
And there’s so many of them… Take for instance the band ‘Kiss’. Yes, the same ones who made ‘I was made for loving you’ and ‘Crazy Nights’, and ‘Forever’… Well, it seems nothing lasts forever with these guys… Did you go to Download festival 2008? Have you listened to them live? Oh no! Complete vocal and instrumental disaster. As most of you know Americans are quite good with make up and technology, so all fans were treated with nothing but appearances and firing guitars! Yes, firing guitars. You know, boom, boom and then lights coming out… Breathtaking experience! Honestly!
