Posts Tagged ‘numpties’

I bought my shiny, shiny teeth with the money of fools.

Imagine putting “self help guru” when you have to enter your job title on a form. How embarrassing would that be?

Self help gurus are widely lampooned in the mass media, often depicted as deranged, criminal, sad, pathetic, or all of the above. Some of my personal favourites are:

• Greg Kinnear as Richard Hoover in Little Miss Sunshine, a desperate, clutching man whose pathetic quotes fail to inspire his small, yawning audience.
• Patrick Swayze as Jim Cunningham in Donnie Darko, a seedy and despicable man.
• Tom Cruise as Frank T.J. Mackey in Magnolia, see above.

It’s only if you’re Tony Robbins that the job actually rocks…

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Bonza! We’ve made it to 100 posts. Even more surprisingly, we’re still talking to each other. Over the course of the last 99 posts, we’ve learnt a lot and have come to understand a lot more about the world. And so with this in mind, we announce the first ever list of winners in the inaugural annual traditional Iwilldothatformoney Awards for Dumbasses and Numpties. Wahay!

“Lady Gaga has displayed a complete lack of depth and talent yet is bizarrely on the front page of every national newspaper while sales plummet.” – Ludraman, Judge, jury, executioner. Lady Gaga was also a finalist in the Madonna’s Wardrobe Raider of the Year award.	“I’d like to thank God, even though I don’t believe in him, so I guess I did this all on my own.” – thejamtart, winner.
“The title of this award comes from Thejamtart’s inability to say “Stumble”. Every time I promote an article, we’re bombarded by eight million people who all really hate my writing. Go figure.” – NotWelshMan, winner.	“When Joe ‘PowerBroker’ Schifano offered to write us an article back when we first started, we were thrilled. We still haven’t read it. So the research is probably really thorough.” – NotWelshMan, judge.
“We actually wanted to give this award to just one person, but couldn’t tell them apart.” – Thejamtart, judge. “It’s a tough call; they’re all so different…” – style editor for Runway	Winner: Japan Gay Picture for “Help yourself to bread” “Polite and tasty and completely unrelated to the post. Well deserved. Unanimous decision from the judging panel against some tough competition.” – judges
“I was gutted with this. I really thought my review of Tekken would win. Instead, everyone gets to read me ranting about some Australian bint who can’t figure out her emails. And in second place? The fucking fashion industry post.” – NotWelshMan, winner	Suuqin for “Most girls’ dream… a magic card” “Is it?” -Suuqin, winner.
“Made us sick up a little bit.” – Thejamtart, judge	“Can’t believe you guys still hang around here after all the crap we’ve posted.” – judges

Rarely spotted in the wild: a flock of twitterers

Since it appears to be social media week at Iwilldothatformoney, I thought I’d better chime in with my own inestimable opinion. A bit late to the party, as always, but I get there in the end.

First of all, I disagree with Geoff that Twitter is basically Facebook updates. Perhaps that’s how it started, but I reckon it’s more about sharing bitesize snippets of random hilarity – interesting news, stuff that’s trending, cool links, you know. Stuff. At least, that’s what I get out of it and why I continue to use it.

It took me a while to actually get on board with Twitter though. I resisted because I thought it was merely inane comments about what people were doing that exact moment. I thought it was like how this (fantastic) video The Trouble with Twitter makes fun of it….

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In honour of it being a super ohmygosh boring Wednesday*, here is something to make you laugh in a burst of wicked schadenfreude. This is a numpty who was clearly inspired by those ultimate-mega-numpties-to-rule-all-numpties on Jackass….

Oh, you noticed this wasn’t anything related to money? Erm. “Hey, I wouldn’t pay a guy to do this.” There we go.

* In fact, it is even a Thursday, which proves my point.