Posts Tagged ‘student manipulation’
Bottom line: working for a living, and why it sucks
October 9th, 2009 | 
Author: 
The IWDTFM team during office hours
It will come as a shock to absolutely no one to find out that, every once in a while, when the moon is full and the leylines are aligned, I complain about my job.
This is not an uncommon occurrence. We spend a third of every day at work. Eight hours out of twenty-four. Apparently, the UK workforce is one of the hardest working populations in the world, putting in an average of £5,129-worth of overtime every year. I don’t really put in much extra time, although to my credit I’ve been known to stay late if something needs finishing. Most days, however, I’m out the office sometime between five-thirty and six o’clock with a spring in my step and my evening ahead of me.
So what do I complain about? The usual, really. Being tired, being busy, being bored, being hungry, wanting to go and play outside, wanting to stay and play inside. Wanting to be anywhere but cooped up in an office working for a living.
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Don’t cry for me Ché Guevara – the truth is you’d have had me strung up
Get your Guevara novelty licence from the King of Swords amd pretend you're a tyrannical despot! HAHA! Cool! Do these kids think he's some kind of classic old cartoon character worthy of praise? Christ.
The image of massive fascist Ernesto Ché Guevara is absolutely fucking everywhere. A million t-shirts depicting him are sold in Camden every second, typically to the kind of grungy kid who stands around smoking and looking moody. I posit that they know little to nothing of this man’s life and works. These kids are probably alienated by their peers for being honest, tolerant and non-judgmental.
Now it’s 2009, and his visage is a global insignia, representing counter-culture and rebellion and is reproduced in many, if not all media.
But what about all the other shit he got up to, like stringing up gays?
Reading incomprehension: why vocabulary is important
Learn the words, otherwise you're going to fail. It really is that simple.
The English language is not fragile. It is not a delicate flower. It is not to be tiptoed around. It is a robust, industrial framework; a machine made of millions of interlocking parts. This machine is incredibly versatile: it can be disconnected and reconfigured and put to work in billions of variations. It is the backbone of our civilisation: the a reason why England was once such a colonial powerhouse, and why America is what it is today.
I will never understand why some people can’t be arsed to learn the bloody language.
Some disclaimers before I get into this. I am not talking about foreigners for whom English is a second language. I am not talking about the difference between American English and British English – frankly, these differences only came about because the Yanks used to be better at spelling than us. I’m not even talking about the more complicated intricacies and idiosyncracies of the language. I’m not Lynne Truss. For a start, I’ve got a sense of proportion.
I’m talking about the fucking native nob rabbits who flat-out abuse our mother tongue, and who can’t be bothered to learn any of the words.
Insulting customers: how to make a profit by alienating your clientele
Simon Nixon: doesn't want to go on holiday with you
The Sun newspaper* reported last week that Simon Nixon, head honcho at price comparison website MoneySupermarket.com, mocked British holidaymakers in Marbella on his Twitter account. While I’m sure this was irksome to any Brits going out to Marbella in the near future, it was doubly stupid because MoneySupermarket makes a lot of money out of people looking for cheap holidays.
To be fair, MoneySupermarket makes a lot of money out of comparing a lot of things – not just holidays. They give prices on loans, insurance, phones, gas and electricity and god only knows what else. Given that Simon Nixon, prat though he may be, is presumably only human, it would be unfair to expect him to like everything on the site. Had he mocked people who drive souped-up Ford Fiestas with go-faster stripes, no one would have batted a false eyelash.
Frankly, we all know that Marbella is a rubbish place to go on holiday, and that Brits are rubbish people to go on holiday with – facts that even the Sun readership agrees with. So what’s the problem?
Well, for a start, they’re still his customers.
I’m not a wannabe – get me out of here!
Hedonism is more difficult than it looks.
I am in hell. I had all the best intentions. Relax and spend quality time with my other half on a quality beach and in bars. I know I wasn’t forced to come to Ibiza, but it was a lastfeckingnanosecond.com steal for the flight. As is the case most times one winds up in hell, I have myself to blame.
Airing my woes while I was there was fraught with danger, given the stereotypical mindset of my fellow countrymen abroad. My thoughts were bound to be misconstrued as drawn-out contempt. I’d rather just spill my guts here.
Just a wafer thin intraperitoneal injection
The day I recruited Geoff for clinical trials.
Geoff frequently complains about being the sugar-daddy in his relationship. It’s not that I actually care, it’s just I get sick of hearing him whinge on about it. And I know that Geoff will do anything for money.
Gripped by the throes of intense irritation philanthropy, I decided to get Geoff some money and sign him up for some clinical trials.
Geoff is probably the healthiest person I know, which makes him the ideal speciman for testing random pharmaceutical products on. An occasional non-smoker, he consumes 5+ a day fruit & veges from a variety of foodstuffs such as crisps, fries, pizzas, burgers and those little snack salami thingees. He can even run to the corner shop in about 10 minutes, depending on wind speed.
I knew he would be really excited about giving back to the community too. About really making a difference to the world and bringing meaning to his tiny and pathetic life.
Clinical trials are inherently… sometimes… safe. You know that by the time they’ve come to test the drug on humans, no more rats will be dying while foaming at the mouth and bleeding from the eyeballs. By the time it gets to the human testing stage, they’ll only be looking for side effects like severe organ failure.
